Today's Girl Talk Thursday topic is all about fears, those things that creep into your psyche late at night and leave you wide-eyed, sweaty and panic stricken leaving you little chance of sleep. These are the things that made me shudder:
1. Death: my biggest fear. I was not a child who grew up scared of monsters. I was the kid who lay awake at night in the dark contemplating what death is. I'd often wonder if death wasn't similar to the lonely feelings of being up late into the wee hours of the night, in sheer darkness, completely alone. I know, that's friggin deep for a 7-year-old, but that was me. As I get older, my fear of death has evolved into the fear of losing those around me. Thoughts of burying my husband, or God forbid, my children have replaced my concerns for my own demise.
2. Heights: I'm TERRIFIED of heights. I have always been. I thought I overcame this common fear when I rock climbed and rappelled double digit heights one summer during an Outward Bound excursion, but alas, I still get freaked out by even the smallest change in height.
3. Down Escalators: I HATE them. I hate them, hate them, hate them. My mom hates them too. We have been known to walk way out of our way to find the elevator so we don't have to step onto that deathtrap. And the really steep ones at airports? Those are the worst. They allow me to break out in full panic as they combine my fears for both height and down escalators at the same time. I am shuddering just thinking about it.
4. Confrontation: I suck at confrontation. I think I am so bad at it conflicts with my deep need for people pleasing. When I was first in management, I was notorious for writing those passive-aggressive notes to by subordinates in order to avoid face-to-face combat. Through the years my backbone has grown a bit, and now being the mother of two children in a 7 year marriage, let's just say I've had plenty of practice.
5. Being a shitty Mom: this is a fear I face everyday. I try to channel the fear into something positive by allowing it to be the impetus for me to do better. Every day. But deep down, I have a fear that I will do or not do something that will forever scar my children resulting in them appearing on A&E's "Intervention" Season 26.
So those are my top fears. What are yours?
9 comments:
Being a bad mom and confrontation...I can relate. I have a feeling, though, that I won't be watching you on Intervention or Jerry Springer anytime soon. :)
Being a bad mom is high on my list of fears. And fires! Fire scares me.
I'm right there with you on the fear of being a shitty mom. But the fact that you are concerned about it means you aren't.
Hug!
Obviously I'm with you on the confrontation thing. ;)
Your escalators reminded me of elevators: I'm not so fearful that I won't use them, but I hate them with a fiery passion. *shivers*
I think every mom...well, every mom who cares about their kids...has the fear that they're going to do something so irrevocably stupid that they're going to screw their children up for all of eternity.
Down escalators don't scare me... the up ones though make me sick. The whole time I feel like I'm about to fall backwards down the thing. Makes shopping at places with them awful.
My biggest fear (besides losing hubby or kids) is being homeless.
And second screwing up my kids. I just heard my 3 year old (from behind his closed door) say that he is going to *kick Mommy's @ss* so It looks like i'm well on my way with this one.
I too fear confrontation and being a shitty mom. Confrontation I can do when forced to, but my mom guilt, well I'm not expecting that to ever be assuaged...
I am right there with you on the escalator. But I fear going up, too. The huge ones are the worst. It takes me forever to step on.
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